Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
