Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
