you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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