chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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