Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
