I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
as a side note pls kill me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize