I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
