Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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