There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
