You're my little dorito
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
