it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize