i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
