I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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