hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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