Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize