Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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