New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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