yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize