I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
