I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize