Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
