it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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