i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i need some magic done to my vagina
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
