They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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