I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize