so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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