Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
