Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
