she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
