you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
