Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sobbing to NWA
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
