bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
