Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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