i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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