Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
