just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am one with the molecules
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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