She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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