If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
where am i from again
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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