The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
