Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
