Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
dude. I can hear the air.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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