i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
