I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
