What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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