What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
