oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
