Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
