It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
