what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
