This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
