I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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