Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
