So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
