yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
