I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
