i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My penis needs a shock collar
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
