You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
