Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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