Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
