dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize