I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
