I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Houston, we have a blender
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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