I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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