I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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