Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
