My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
