i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize