Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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