Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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