She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
