Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
